♥ this has gotta end.

im soo retarded(:
i went to jog 2times today..haha..so fun(:
man,i really miss you..i know you're upset but its fine..really.but i dont understand why must you be upsetted by the things she did..its no point.its other ppl that judge her,ppl dun judge you alrite?(: so i want you to just chill..ok?
well things are looking up for me..i guess its the way you think that really affect the situation..coz actually things havent changed one bit but i feel like i've won a million dollars.(pls dun come rob me coz i dun have a million dollars,i was joking!!)haha..
but really i feel so much better..maybe its coz i just really dun give a shite to anything anymore(:
maybe its coz i had my ben and jerry's strwberry cheesecake to nurse me back to health..haha..
but really it feels so good to able to laugh without something choking in your throat threatening to spill out from yr eyes anytime..(ok maybe im exaggerating but who cares..)
hahahahahahahahahahahaha..yadayadayadayadayayda..

ok i think im turning retarded(:

haha..thanks miche and cas for telling me the right thing to do and for being there for me even though you just called me to shud up,yr forgiven(: hahahha

yay!this is venusian signing off frm venus..see you next time,next week same channel,same station..haha
what am i yaddling about??haha..
bb

♥ this has gotta end.

shite man.ok fine.i dun care.i seriously dont.
not anymore.you wanna be like that?im totally fine about it.
then later dun you dare say in my face why am being like that and tell me that yr dissapointed in me.coz this time its freaking not gonna work.i dun give a god damned shite anymore.ok?
you blame your bloody misfortune on others and expect me to think that your benevolent and devoted?think again.really.
people have my respect coz they earn and deserve it,not because i like them.SHE doesnt have my respect.even though you can scold me bout her all day long im still gonna contact her..
you say words i've actually nvr expect to exist in your vocabulary..but if thats how you want it to be..fine so be it..bring it on.
im not scared.rant all you bloody want but you noe wad?its not gonna affect me anymore.you were part of me,now all i feel for you is revolt,distaste and wariness.
nothing else.
thank you for ranting at me all my life teaching me morals and values that you yourself dont even posses.
thank you for holding on tight to me when i had my first roller coaster ride that scared the hell outta me.
thank you for sharing your food with me when i am hungry.
thank you for asking me to be your bridesmaid.
thank you for being there for you when i need you
thank you for teaching me languages i'd never thought i'd know
thank you for being able to impart your skills of knowledge to me.
thank you for being such a bitch coz i love and hate you for that.



sorry for everything that i've done,am doing.but at the end of the day,i still hate all the 3 of you.

♥ this has gotta end.

you know what?
im gonna laugh my ass off till this finally stops hurting.seriously.
it sucks.this REALLY REALLY(X1 billion)sucks..
i swear if i can turn back time i would not chose to have my lame outburst..
im sick of having to put on a jovial face smiling when i know things are obviously not.
yes,its perfectly fine on the outside..but we both know its not..i dun think you'll disagree for that.we're still holding something back..i really want to apologise for things i've done..but i fear for your rejection and for you to stuff right at my fact telling me everything is fine..and ok but we both know its not.
i may have a nice house,nice boyfriend yea wadever.i'll tell you what i lack off..i lack of joy.i lack of self-esteem.and most of all i lack of your forgiveness.just because you have everthing you want doesnt make you someone happy.
because when you have everything you've ever wanted..you start losing everything you had.wads the damn diff?am i being too greedy to want so many things?
yes,i was being negligent to you.it's my fault..im so sorry.
damn i hate living in this god damned lie..pretending nothing is wrong and smile at you everytime you look at me. it hurts..it seriously does.i know i crossed the line when i told eben and made you sound like a bitch or something..but no i did not itentionally made it sound that way.i was just telling my side of the story and wasnt thinking of how you felt..and everything i thought was actually a big mistake and a total misinterpretion.im sorry. i really wanna apologize for what i've done.

i know it really thick skin of me to be such a bitch and then turn right around to ask for your apology..but im really sorry..thats all i can tell you..i dunno what else to say. i dun know how the hell things turn out this way..and how it freaking ended like this..i hate quarelling. its not like you dunno that.but what i hate even more is to bottle up everything inside and act like everything alrite when we know its not.i'd rather we clear things and get the hell with life than putting on this fake front and stand there being confused at what the hell its happening and things will just get worse.it sucks having to wonder whether you're pissed or whether we're through..do you know the insecurity of it all?

fine.im scared.im scared of losing yr trust.im scared of losing this friendship.most of all im scared of losing my best friend.im not someone brave and its not ok for me to leave things as it is.it sucks..it may not bother you but it does affect me.and you know how much it pains me to see things end like that?...

♥ this has gotta end.

♥ this has gotta end.

♥ this has gotta end.

ok i have nothing to say.im just procastinating from doin the damned home ed project..and its due this comin sat,1st march..and pathetically i havent even done anything yet.i only know that im going to base it on tapiocas..oh gawd i should really be researching now but..the fact that im even blogging really tells you how boring the project is..lol

hiaz..i am not in the mood to do anything..in fact im never in the mood(:haha..its so dumb what do we learn from this ..to cook tapiocas?wth..i wanna do kick boxing suddenly.i wanna imagine that im kicking some one elses head and keep kicking it..muahaha..i can kick ppl's head..if head head suddenly ache its probably me doing dome voodoo on you..muahhahaa..

i cooked nasi lemak during home ed today.it was soo nice..err..the sambal and anchorvies were exceptionally good..

damn i really cant think of anthing to type...my eyelids are actually half drooping..damn!in fact,(dun ask me why)im thinking of king kong standing on top of the famous tower..whatever it is called.eh..wth now change to tarzan le.haha..i sound like a szesophrenic ...

oh ok i've thought of something to type to keep me from falling asleep..the movie LEAPT YEARS(: bet its like freaking touching ..its soo tragic..and nice..that guy is like dammit-ly cute..haha..i sound like some kinda lovesick twit(FYI im NOT!!)..

ok phyllis is sitting beside me rite now sking me why i never ever post..and why is my blog dead.phyllis,im posting rite now so thaty makes what you're saying really stupid(; and well..should i revive this blog?i live this pathetically mundane life so i'll probably have nothing to blog about forever so..nope ..this blog will continue to have posts occasionally from heaven(:

ok thats thats ..for posting with closed eyes i've typed quite a lot..so heck care..im gonna sign off for all i care(; see ya ..

♥ this has gotta end.

ok..i suddenly realize how retarded i am..seriously(: i talk to myself (how scary is that?)and after talking to myself,i answer myself..then i laugh..imagine how retarded that looks?next time you sit beside someone like that on the bus..careful,coz that may be me..lol

hmm..wonder waht shud i buy for belle,she has everything i thought of le..hiaz..i hate shopping for others(belle,if you're reading this,close yr eyes take in a deep breath,then exhale..imagine i nvr say anything..lol)

everyone is so low recently.i mean i miss having her really laughing and smiling all the time.sometimes ppl can be soo weird.we can always be so exasperated at we what we dun even exist.meaningless squabble of our parents..recent disagreement among friends,wahtever the problem is look on the bright side of it..there's always a bright to everything.a wise guy once told me "why are you trying so hard to change the world?change it by existing in it.thats enough."that really got me thinking.when ppl quarrel it might not be something bad ,that enhance the understanding between the both of them.

i wonder am i going to nag at my child(if i ever have one) the same way my mum nags atme sometimes..really sometimes are just that unreasonable..well whatever just gotta live with it and be immune..i'll need some anastheatic for that...(:

yay!!gonna see joceline today..dunno why i just really look forward to it today..soemhow her 'mothering' have just gotten into me..its amazing how caring she is...(=

thanks for being there when i need you,i'll be there when you need me thats,our agreement for eternity. dun be so troubled,and theres no reasons to feel empty because a person as full of life as you should be jumping..i love you girl..dun ever forget that(err..im not a lesbian..i just love her as my sis(: )

happy birthday belle!!!!girl yr 14..so 14 slaps on the butt shud do you good,my dear pigu twin..haha..lotsa love a gal?


thank you for reminding me to treasure what i have if not i would not have woken up..the common feel of nostalgia is just a pain that lingers ...