All The Same

2008-04-05T04:46:00.000-07:00

im soo retarded(:
i went to jog 2times today..haha..so fun(:
man,i really miss you..i know you're upset but its fine..really.but i dont understand why must you be upsetted by the things she did..its no point.its other ppl that judge her,ppl dun judge you alrite?(: so i want you to just chill..ok?
well things are looking up for me..i guess its the way you think that really affect the situation..coz actually things havent changed one bit but i feel like i've won a million dollars.(pls dun come rob me coz i dun have a million dollars,i was joking!!)haha..
but really i feel so much better..maybe its coz i just really dun give a shite to anything anymore(:
maybe its coz i had my ben and jerry's strwberry cheesecake to nurse me back to health..haha..
but really it feels so good to able to laugh without something choking in your throat threatening to spill out from yr eyes anytime..(ok maybe im exaggerating but who cares..)
hahahahahahahahahahahaha..yadayadayadayadayayda..

ok i think im turning retarded(:

haha..thanks miche and cas for telling me the right thing to do and for being there for me even though you just called me to shud up,yr forgiven(: hahahha

yay!this is venusian signing off frm venus..see you next time,next week same channel,same station..haha
what am i yaddling about??haha..
bb

i hate you.i hate her.i hate HER even more.

2008-04-02T06:25:00.000-07:00

shite man.ok fine.i dun care.i seriously dont.
not anymore.you wanna be like that?im totally fine about it.
then later dun you dare say in my face why am being like that and tell me that yr dissapointed in me.coz this time its freaking not gonna work.i dun give a god damned shite anymore.ok?
you blame your bloody misfortune on others and expect me to think that your benevolent and devoted?think again.really.
people have my respect coz they earn and deserve it,not because i like them.SHE doesnt have my respect.even though you can scold me bout her all day long im still gonna contact her..
you say words i've actually nvr expect to exist in your vocabulary..but if thats how you want it to be..fine so be it..bring it on.
im not scared.rant all you bloody want but you noe wad?its not gonna affect me anymore.you were part of me,now all i feel for you is revolt,distaste and wariness.
nothing else.
thank you for ranting at me all my life teaching me morals and values that you yourself dont even posses.
thank you for holding on tight to me when i had my first roller coaster ride that scared the hell outta me.
thank you for sharing your food with me when i am hungry.
thank you for asking me to be your bridesmaid.
thank you for being there for you when i need you
thank you for teaching me languages i'd never thought i'd know
thank you for being able to impart your skills of knowledge to me.
thank you for being such a bitch coz i love and hate you for that.

sorry for everything that i've done,am doing.but at the end of the day,i still hate all the 3 of you.

hahaha

2008-03-30T23:55:00.000-07:00

you know what?
im gonna laugh my ass off till this finally stops hurting.seriously.
it sucks.this REALLY REALLY(X1 billion)sucks..
i swear if i can turn back time i would not chose to have my lame outburst..
im sick of having to put on a jovial face smiling when i know things are obviously not.
yes,its perfectly fine on the outside..but we both know its not..i dun think you'll disagree for that.we're still holding something back..i really want to apologise for things i've done..but i fear for your rejection and for you to stuff right at my fact telling me everything is fine..and ok but we both know its not.
i may have a nice house,nice boyfriend yea wadever.i'll tell you what i lack off..i lack of joy.i lack of self-esteem.and most of all i lack of your forgiveness.just because you have everthing you want doesnt make you someone happy.
because when you have everything you've ever wanted..you start losing everything you had.wads the damn diff?am i being too greedy to want so many things?
yes,i was being negligent to you.it's my fault..im so sorry.
damn i hate living in this god damned lie..pretending nothing is wrong and smile at you everytime you look at me. it hurts..it seriously does.i know i crossed the line when i told eben and made you sound like a bitch or something..but no i did not itentionally made it sound that way.i was just telling my side of the story and wasnt thinking of how you felt..and everything i thought was actually a big mistake and a total misinterpretion.im sorry. i really wanna apologize for what i've done.

i know it really thick skin of me to be such a bitch and then turn right around to ask for your apology..but im really sorry..thats all i can tell you..i dunno what else to say. i dun know how the hell things turn out this way..and how it freaking ended like this..i hate quarelling. its not like you dunno that.but what i hate even more is to bottle up everything inside and act like everything alrite when we know its not.i'd rather we clear things and get the hell with life than putting on this fake front and stand there being confused at what the hell its happening and things will just get worse.it sucks having to wonder whether you're pissed or whether we're through..do you know the insecurity of it all?

fine.im scared.im scared of losing yr trust.im scared of losing this friendship.most of all im scared of losing my best friend.im not someone brave and its not ok for me to leave things as it is.it sucks..it may not bother you but it does affect me.and you know how much it pains me to see things end like that?...

haha..

2008-03-30T23:53:00.000-07:00

am i worth just this much ib yr life?really.

2008-03-10T02:48:00.000-07:00

If our love was a fairy tale
I would charge in and rescue you
On a yacht baby we would sail
To an island where we’d say I do

And if we had babies they would look like you
It’d be so beautiful if that came true
You don’t even know how very special you are

[Chorus]

You leave me breathless
You’re everything good in my life
You leave me breathless
I still can’t believe that you’re mine
You just walked out of one of my dreams
So beautiful you’re leaving me
Breathless

And if our love was a story book
We would meet on the very first page
The last chapter would be about
How I’m thankful for the life we’ve made

And if we had babies they would have your eyes
I would fall deeper watching you give life
You don’t even know how very special you are

You leave me breathless
You’re everything good in my life
You leave me breathless
I still can’t believe that you’re mine
You just walked out of one of my dreams
So beautiful you’re leaving me

You must have been sent from heaven to earth to change me
You’re like an angel
The thing that I feel is stronger than love believe me
You’re something special
I only hope that I’ll one day deserve what you’ve given me
But all I can do is try
Every day of my life

You leave me breathless
You’re everything good in my life
You leave me breathless
I still can’t believe that you’re mine
You just walked out of one of my dreams
So beautiful you’re leaving me
Breathless

You leave me breathless
You’re everything good in my life
You leave me breathless
I still can’t believe that you’re mine
You just walked out of one of my dreams
So beautiful you’re leaving me
Breathless

ps...sing this to me!!!!(:

lalala

2008-02-27T22:46:00.000-08:00

ok i have nothing to say.im just procastinating from doin the damned home ed project..and its due this comin sat,1st march..and pathetically i havent even done anything yet.i only know that im going to base it on tapiocas..oh gawd i should really be researching now but..the fact that im even blogging really tells you how boring the project is..lol

hiaz..i am not in the mood to do anything..in fact im never in the mood(:haha..its so dumb what do we learn from this ..to cook tapiocas?wth..i wanna do kick boxing suddenly.i wanna imagine that im kicking some one elses head and keep kicking it..muahaha..i can kick ppl's head..if head head suddenly ache its probably me doing dome voodoo on you..muahhahaa..

i cooked nasi lemak during home ed today.it was soo nice..err..the sambal and anchorvies were exceptionally good..

damn i really cant think of anthing to type...my eyelids are actually half drooping..damn!in fact,(dun ask me why)im thinking of king kong standing on top of the famous tower..whatever it is called.eh..wth now change to tarzan le.haha..i sound like a szesophrenic ...

oh ok i've thought of something to type to keep me from falling asleep..the movie LEAPT YEARS(: bet its like freaking touching ..its soo tragic..and nice..that guy is like dammit-ly cute..haha..i sound like some kinda lovesick twit(FYI im NOT!!)..

ok phyllis is sitting beside me rite now sking me why i never ever post..and why is my blog dead.phyllis,im posting rite now so thaty makes what you're saying really stupid(; and well..should i revive this blog?i live this pathetically mundane life so i'll probably have nothing to blog about forever so..nope ..this blog will continue to have posts occasionally from heaven(:

ok thats thats ..for posting with closed eyes i've typed quite a lot..so heck care..im gonna sign off for all i care(; see ya ..

fishy cats!!(:

2008-02-21T22:59:00.000-08:00

ok..i suddenly realize how retarded i am..seriously(: i talk to myself (how scary is that?)and after talking to myself,i answer myself..then i laugh..imagine how retarded that looks?next time you sit beside someone like that on the bus..careful,coz that may be me..lol

hmm..wonder waht shud i buy for belle,she has everything i thought of le..hiaz..i hate shopping for others(belle,if you're reading this,close yr eyes take in a deep breath,then exhale..imagine i nvr say anything..lol)

everyone is so low recently.i mean i miss having her really laughing and smiling all the time.sometimes ppl can be soo weird.we can always be so exasperated at we what we dun even exist.meaningless squabble of our parents..recent disagreement among friends,wahtever the problem is look on the bright side of it..there's always a bright to everything.a wise guy once told me "why are you trying so hard to change the world?change it by existing in it.thats enough."that really got me thinking.when ppl quarrel it might not be something bad ,that enhance the understanding between the both of them.

i wonder am i going to nag at my child(if i ever have one) the same way my mum nags atme sometimes..really sometimes are just that unreasonable..well whatever just gotta live with it and be immune..i'll need some anastheatic for that...(:

yay!!gonna see joceline today..dunno why i just really look forward to it today..soemhow her 'mothering' have just gotten into me..its amazing how caring she is...(=

thanks for being there when i need you,i'll be there when you need me thats,our agreement for eternity. dun be so troubled,and theres no reasons to feel empty because a person as full of life as you should be jumping..i love you girl..dun ever forget that(err..im not a lesbian..i just love her as my sis(: )

happy birthday belle!!!!girl yr 14..so 14 slaps on the butt shud do you good,my dear pigu twin..haha..lotsa love a gal?

thank you for reminding me to treasure what i have if not i would not have woken up..the common feel of nostalgia is just a pain that lingers ...

zzz..wad m i supposed to say?

2008-02-16T03:56:00.000-08:00

yea..i know my blog is supposed to be dead but somehow it kena revived or something(:
i dunno wad am i supposed to do.really.am i supposed to smile to her and tell her nothing is wrong or am i supposed to tell her that im really hurt at what she said?yes fine i can understand perfectly how you feel,but you're supposed to be the closest person to me.i thought you'd be confrontational enough to tell me how you feel.ok sorry i know you told me before..but...wadeva forget bout it..nth is going to change.i'll promise you that.nothing at all.you guys will always be the first place -regardless ,count on me.girl,call me.

hey girl,if you're reading this call me, i really need to talk to you.i miss yr sacarstic-dity(wadever that is supposed to mean),i miss yr big mouth smiling,i miss you telling me that im weird.i miss every freaking aspect of you.just call me.please.i'd give anything to have you back.

zhao,plz tell me what to do..im really mad.well maybe thats good.

dang!

2007-12-18T20:21:00.000-08:00

i was reading my blog before i typed this post and then i suddenly realized that my 'blog' which i never ever post except that when something out the ordinary happen in my life ,is so emo. seriously, its up till now that i realize that im such a morbid person.ok gonna start acting cheerful:)..hehe..im soo lame

i went to cameron highlands last week.the weather was all so rainy but overall i did kinda enjoyed myself.bought cactus (is that how you spell it??) for tian ber and ella ..come claim your presents from me!!if not i'll have to keep watering them :(..jkjk. take care of the plant alrite?!

we also went to this awesome butterfly farm but i dunno why the butterfly farm got reptiles sitting in their cages de. theres one of the cage that is filled with species of gross LIZARDS. seriously i wonder whose the brave guy who fitted them in to their cages..

walao , i didn't go out with tian they all ,all holidays.stupid....i seriously wanna have this mega shopping spree and then go ice skating then go drive aeroplane..ok i noe this is supper dumb but after watching channel 112 the TVB channel the aeroplane show chong shang yun xiao i think i wanna drive aeroplane..retarded me..

sometimes i wish the world was a much less of a reality and be more like the tv and dramas that i watch. people can fake their death, cartoon characters can fly..blah blah blah..ok i think all the korean dramas and tv shows that im watching is really making my IQ decrease:) or maybe im just fantasizing (not bout you tian!) so that my imaginations can really run wild that way i can be a absolute retarded movie director when i grow up..cool im covered :)..

i seriously need a mind break...

2007-11-17T10:25:00.000-08:00

ok, thanks alot..i seriously think that life itself is a scary thing to even undergo..yea i know that is supposed to a pleasure something blissful to have(life ) be if you're gonna die unexpectedly then why go thru so much?why not just die before you even start?ok fine..

another person i know is missing or even dead..i wont try to act all cool and collected to tell the whole situation but..its just that the person was dean's boyfriend..seriously..i saw him alive and all set to go that day...i even went to the air port to send him off..now you tell me hes missing..in cambodia?(or how ever you spell it)..is god playing a practical joke hell..im not being disrespecful..its just..weird to noe that someone whom i was close to is dead or missing wadeva..does it even make a darn difference?ok its on headlines..the 5 ppl missing..

dean..if you ever ever stumble on this passage i hope you know that...the team will always be here for you..frm min(thai's daughter..)

happiness coems when you jsut let it go..i guess..

2007-11-06T18:30:00.000-08:00

i have decided,not that i can help what i feel but this decision was being concluded after some serious thinking that requires a few hours:)..im giving up on love..that doesnt mean that im gonna remain a spinster for the rest of my life.it just means that im too young to love,too hopeless in it,to selfish to commit or maybe even coz its just soo bloody complicated to even love someone..its like theres this convoluted web of lies making you so confused bout everything...wadeva...i don't wanna give a damn bout love anymore..should totally concentrate on playing now that exams are over:)..lol..

went to little india with the class yesterday,the grumpy tour guide was so fustrated with us that he kept asking us to shut up..haha..later on he kept trying to tell us bout kampong glam..(i seriously dont undestand why must it be pronounced as kampong GLUM..glum sounds so glum..Glam sounds much nicer..sounds glamorous:)..lol i betcha dun understand what the hell im trying to say...read slowly maybe you'll figure it out.. (=

2007-11-04T21:27:00.000-08:00

what is love?really..i don't at all comprehend what am i thinking sometimes..i try to tell myself that its all my mentality that is making me feel like that but at the end of the day,i don't think so..i really feel terrible that im feeling this way..i don't wanna like anyone i don't wanna have any crushes but is this even possible?my life is really driving me insane coz its irritating thati have to constantly wake up and remind myself the hopelessness of this stupid situation..why is impossiblity so easy to yearn for?this is just pure torture and sheer pain..there s so much i wanna say but words just get in the way..perhaps its just a crush but arent crushes not supposed to be so painful?

i just heard that my friend's friend commited suicide the other day..i've met her once..ok i know this is something really mean to say but i think its sort of heart warming for her to be in a more beautiful and nice place than the earth.after all i sincerely believe that she is much too good for this crude reality of this world...

haha..i sound so emo today..i dunno wazzup with me either,i just don't feel right though nth happened..guess its becaouse of the tiredness im feeling..i went for like 4shopping trips in the last 3days..lol..i'm a total shopaholic:)..i bought 4tops,2bottom and even 3 dress!!so now i slacking im complete comfort in the privacy of my own room:) although i cant help feeling emo..everyone is out shopping today so i cant call them :( ...guess i'll just try later tonite..in the meantime i might as well try if ben's & jerry will make me feel better:)...yum yum yum!!!

poor poor me..

2007-10-31T17:07:00.000-07:00

haha..i felt soo much better now than last night..after that peaceful sleep i had(: ..having this crappy e-learning workshop..so i might as well chill and blog about how stupid this thing is since practically the whole class isnt listening at all..haha..the pathetic teacher is actually trying to get everyone to shut up and listen to her..lol..see..im one of the good ones:) in sitting down and shutting up..haha..

why are everyone slacking at home while i still have to come to school?its irritating i t crappy..hia mum dont let me pon school just for the dumb fact that i ahvent gotten my report book yet..i just realized today that i signed up for this tour guide thingie for jalan kayu..i just signed up for the 10 cip points we'll be getting but it surprisingly turned put quite fun...

never expected it but..ya noe ..life is just so unpredictable at times ..haha i guess today is just such a boring day..lol..nothing else really happen... =.=" wad to do.. i lame:D proud of it though..

hay i loove you guys.. u know hu m i refering to..haha..zhao..good luck..onli 14days more!!

emotions are just taking me on..

2007-10-31T05:17:00.000-07:00

i really really don't know what the hell is up with me..i'm totally bloated with mixed emotions..ok i know this is really emo but..i really don't know what to do..whatever, i'll just despretely try to put the fact that the guy that i'm hopelessly crazy about isnt noticing at all..and for the fact that i suck at everything i do..im sick and tired of being criticised by people of the why i am..ok maybe the reason that im feeling so low is because of my low grades..
it really really sucks..oh well then again who cares seriously..nothing can get me down..
right?

i just finished realing this literature book,to kill a mocking bird-harper lee...and no if your thinking sick let me tell you,it is NOT about 'BIRDS' neither is it about hunting..its super boring..but then again if it can improve my english then maybe its worth while(:

today,i truly realized the meaning of life today..seriously,have you ever thought fo the fact that why are we even in this crude world?i did..and i guess i managed to find a P-R-E-E-T-Y good explanation for it(to me)..we exist in this world to change and affect the life of the people around us..when you see a person being cold,melt his heart by being nice and warm to him..that way he'll be touched..OR..when someone does a wrong thing, i personally do not believe that violence is the key to unlocking whats behind the person is really thinking when they did that..i really think what we should be doin is preaching the 'wrongness' of everything he did..ok lame explanation but ,its kinda a philosophy..hmm..maybe i should become ambitious and try to become an philosopher when i grow up :D ..

to my dear dear zhao zhao(: _good luck to your A-levels..im sure you'll do real well...dun dread it just sleep early,im lookin forward to the swim..15 more days..hurry!!

haha..i guess i'll come back better tomorrow..maybe hibernating in my cozy cot will make me feel better..after all..THATS THERAPY!! :D

nostalgia

2007-10-29T02:36:00.001-07:00

Stealing is really such an stupid crime to commit like seriously...yea sure you gain something from someone but then again,its stolen!!its not yours..what is yours will be yours regardless what..so i believe the conscience of the person will haunt him or her to the core...furthermore why be so easily succumbed to your temptations or lust..oh well i guess i'll just be console myself by thinking that someone gain something when i lost something..lol.. this is one weird way of consoling myself..

haha enough of that..more of today..school totally sucked today..we learnt some weird techniques of archery..what future usage is there?whatever it is i sucked at it..out of the 4hours that we spent playing i shot at the board for 2 times only..(: .. i have some natural talents..haha ..bernice did not come to school today..maybe that was why we were all so listless today..who knows..haha..

getting back our results tomorrow..im really keping my fingers crossed till then..hey ppl thanks for consoling me when i made a fool of myself in school today..thanks for helping me get thru' it..you guys are the best!!love you much..c ya..

YEAH...

2007-10-25T21:31:00.000-07:00

haha..now i finnally feel free..free from home work
stress n..umm..i think more work:) previously i was the mad emo freak
who could talk nth but how sad i was and random lame crap..now that eoys are over i guess i can write properly..finally gonna start blogging seriously..
hang in there people...
i noe u cnt live without me..haha
lol..totally joking lah..
see ya..